Monday, November 9, 2009
Pigs
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Bolts vs.Habs - Revenge of the French Edition
-Well, that was a very unfun game. I don't think fun is too much to ask, but they can't even deliver that much.
-You know it's not a good sign when it looks like the other team is always on the PP. And it's an even worse sign when the team that's owning you is the Tampa Bay Lightning.
-I'm questioning some of these line decisions. Bowman always said the most important thing a coach can do is have the right people on the ice at the right time. Somehow, I think Ryan White is not the right person to have out there with a hardworking Kostitsyn when the team needs a goal desperately.
-Just once I'd like to see Plekanec get the good wingers. Gomez is NOT the clear-cut number-one centre on this team.
-Gionta can't be the captain. He spends too much time with his mouth guard hanging disgustingly out of the side of his face.
-If I'm not mistaken, the Habs used to destroy Nittymaki in Philly. What the hell happened to him?
-Another hit to the save percentage for Price tonight. Three goals on less than thirty shots isn't good enough. Gorges didn't help any, but Price needed to be better. He's more frustrating than a broken right hand during Bleu Nuit.
-This is a bad hockey team. What's worse is I've got Plekanec and Stamkos in my pool and neither of them got any points. Salt in the losing wound.
-At this point, I think if the Habs are to miss the playoffs, I hope they miss by a mile. Finishing tenth and getting another mid-teens pick isn't going to save this franchise. It needs Taylor Hall
Notes on the second:
I'm trying to take my own advice to embrace the suck, but it's hard when it's not even fun. There's fun suck, and there's tedious suck, and as a friend of mine just said, "The Habs can't even suck well."
-Their midget is beating the pants off of our midgets.
-You know a D-man has a bad reputation when the five opponents just stand and wait for him to give it to them. That's what the Bolts are doing with Bergeron.
-I'm convinced Latendresse is actually an eighty-two year old woman in a young man's body. Plekanec does not deserve this.
-Can someone tell the Habs they're allowed a do-over if the first attempt on the opposition goalie doesn't go in? They don't HAVE to leave the o-zone immediately.
-I wish Jean Beliveau had stayed home tonight. Vinnie loves to put on a show for his hero.
-The Gambler is looking pretty sinister behind the Tampa bench. I wonder if he's got some dough riding on this one?
-Someone has found a Belarussian/English dictionary and managed to explain the message "Your ass in goalie's face is good" to Kostitsyn. He was right where he needed to be on Gionta's goal.
-Say what you like about Hammer's contract, but he's worth every dime and more this year. Imagining the D without him is like imagining an Egg McMuffin without the muffin. He should get extra for babysitting Bergeron.
-Seriously, Gorges? You are a godforsaken DEFENCEMAN! Get out of Price's crease and stop trying to be a goalie! That's two tonight.
-Okay, plan for the third: Score a couple and get to OT.
Notes on the first:
-If Pacioretty keeps running down the puck behind the other team's D the way he's been doing lately, he's going to be really tough to handle for a lot of teams.
-There must be some endorsement opportunity for Metro with the city's public transport department. Maybe a shot of him next to a Metro sign in his jersey, and a caption like "Gets you where you want to go." Or something like that.
-Boy, did Hammer ever get nailed behind the net. He was picking his teeth with bits of board there.
-If I had a Centennial loonie for every goal against that comes with Gorges' ass in Price's face, or actually on top of Price, I'd be able to afford a Centennial brick. Why the hell was he playing goal, instead of defence on that PP? Maybe it's part of Martin's new system.
-Too bad periods in hockey aren't nineteen minutes long. Habs'd be golden this year if that was the case.
-I wonder what Carey Price would pay to have a lead for once? Poor kid.
Battling It Out
The funny thing, though, is that it wasn't bad. Sure, some of the guys wore hockey skates because they couldn't adjust to the longer, straighter figure skating blades...not to mention the unholy toe picks that have caused more than one bruise during practice. Some of them looked stiff and awkward in performing unfamiliar manouvers. In the first week, all of the men took a backseat to their partners who did most of the really tough stuff. But you know what? These guys are doing something good here. They're skating for charity to begin with, which is commendable. Even more importantly, however, they're knocking down some walls that have been standing for a long time in the hockey world.
I know a little guy, almost ten years old. He's a really good hockey player, and his mom signed him up for power skating classes to help his game. The teacher, as is often the case, was also a figure skating coach. She saw a lot of promise in this kid's skating, and she taught him a couple of things. He found he liked figure skating, but there was no way he'd let his friends know about it for fear of the mockery that would follow. Sure enough, after a few weeks of figure skating lessons, his buddies found out and tormented him about it, so he quit. But a couple of weeks ago, he went back, because he saw Craig Simpson and Claude Lemieux doing it and nobody was laughing at them. They looked cool, and they were having a lot of fun. That's a pretty nice side effect of that little show, I think.
These guys are approaching figure skating with respect, fun and dignity. They're not perfect, although they are improving every week, but they're taking what they're doing seriously and they're showing a lot of class while they're at it. I think anything that shows a guy can be a man without mocking something softer is a good thing. It's something a lot of hockey players need to learn, when they hit the ice with the intention of going after an opponent's head or knees.
And, of course, the bonus in Battle for Habs fans is that two of the final three competitors are Stephane Richer and Claude Lemieux. I'm having a great time rooting for our '86ers. Watching them bring all the concentration and effort to this endeavour that they brought to the game we love proves to me that it's no fluke they won multiple Cups. A winner is a winner, no matter at what sport he's competing. And winners are fun to watch.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Habs vs. Bruins - Battle of the Uglies Edition
-I love how the defence has responded after that horrid Atlanta game. Maybe it's because the Bs can't score anyway, but our guys look like Alcatraz on the backend...except for the scattered escape.
-I think Martin's had a private meeting with the team, minus MAB, and told them, if you see him with the puck, do ANYTHING to get it away from him. Thus, the better D tonight.
-Tom Pyatt may be Greg Stewart's ultimate foe when it comes to making the NHL. Pyatt is ten...no twenty...times better. Could he be the difference in the Gomez trade?
-I can't help thinking Metro would have been a better player if he'd ever had the support some of these "stars" got during their youth. As it is, he's saving our team's ass.
-Is it wrong to rejoice in the Boston fans' booing of their own team. Thank God it's not us!
-WHY can they not lock it down until the final whistle? I'm very, very tired of these desperate plays in the last minute that result in bad things for the Habs.
-Thank God for Mike Cammalleri, and on this night, Carey Price. Die, Bruins!
Notes on the second:
-Gionta's an inspiration for men who buy "petit" suits everywhere. Nobody can provoke the giant neanderthal like him.
-Sometimes it really feels as though the linesmen are working for the enemy. How many times do they foil Habs' breakouts?
-Teams that blow 5-on-3s, even because of crazy-ass goal-line saves by freakish gymnast goalies, tend to lose hockey games.
-I'm just waiting for Ryder to blow one over Price, probably assisted by Begin. Isn't that how it works with ex-Habs?
-TSN closeup of Burke in the pressbox for this one. I guess he wants to see where his first pick will end up. And, he's getting more and more disheveled by the month. On draft day, he'll look like a homeless crackhead.
-One thing I admire about Scott Gomez...and I'm really trying to find something to like here...is he thinks quickly. A lot of guys automatically pass up-ice when they're in trouble. Gomez knows where everyone is and has no problem moving the puck back to his D under pressure. Too bad he doesn't have more Cammalleri in him.
-I can't knock Price tonight. Thank God. I really don't want to knock him.
-When will Martin finally give Plekanec the good wingers? Because Gomez isn't doing squat with them.
-I think Kostitsyn's internal clock is still on Russian time.
Notes on the first:
-TSN has said "sweep" in referring to last year's playoffs eight times so far. I counted.
-Pacioretty should have just carried a sign on that two-on-one, reading "I'm going to pass it. Ready? I'm going to pass it NOW." Still, the kid is looking better lately.
-I didn't get the people dumping on Carle last game, just because of that miscue on the tying goal. I think he wasn't bad overall, and he was noticable for a couple of nice plays in this game so far. Hey, if it keeps Bergeron off the ice as much as possible, I'm all for it.
-I'm assuming Moen's goal was disallowed because the Habs are required to spot the Bruins one?
-The dump and chase isn't working well for our team, as it usually ends up being mostly dump.
-I like Pyatt and White heading to the net. Then again, D'Agostini and Stewart did that when they were new too.
-Speaking of Pyatt, he seems to have become McGuru's newest favourite manchild.
-Beautiful heads-up play by Kostitsyn on the goal. He can motor when he wants to. Now Martin has to figure out how to make him want to.
-To make a Metropolit, you mix one part heart, one part guts and one part toothless smile. Mix and serve on ice.
-Now Price has a lead, let's see how he works with it.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Optical Illusions

What do you see when you look at the picture to the left? Some people say they see a cup or a vase (whether half full or half empty is beside the point here.) Others see two faces staring at each other. Still others say they can see both simultaneously. The point of this exercise is to say that all of the observers are correct. It's an optical illusion and the thing you see in it is just as valid as the thing the guy next to you sees. There are two sides of the picture.
We've been looking at this season's Habs like we look at that optical illusion, only most of us are seeing just one side of it. We're seeing a revamped team with some good offensive players and a better defence (on paper) than last year's, that's unfortunately just suffering through some temporary injury problems. We've been seeing a good chance of improvement for the team's two young goalies under Jacques Martin's better, more responsible system of play. We see a team that we're expecting to put up a good show and stand a chance of winning every night.
What we should be doing, though, is adjusting our vision to see the other picture in this illusion. Because, folks, what we've got here right now, at this moment, is a bad hockey team. The defence isn't just in temporary trouble. It's missing half of its top-six and will continue to do so for weeks to come. Defensive collapses are happening with the frequency of pee breaks on an all-inclusive bus tour to Medjugorje. There's some good offensive talent, but it has absolutely no support. The four guys who can score are complemented by a bunch of players who work hard (for the most part) but won't put up forty goals between them. I mean, God love Travis Moen and Glen Metropolit, but we can't expect them to be the secondary, twenty-goal men the team needs. I can't even talk about Guillaume Latendresse and Andre Kostitsyn. Those two are more disappointing than Windows Vista. The two young goalies have save percentages below .900 and have been giving up four goals a game on a good night, albeit with very little defensive help from their teammates. This is a BAD hockey team.
So, in order to keep our sanity, we must accept and embrace the suckiness. There's not a damn thing we can do about it and sitting here wringing our hands, tearing our hair and pleading for Bob Gainey to work some sort of miracle that will return Brent Seabrook and Patrick Sharp for Andrei Kostitysn isn't helping. It's giving us ulcers. We need to see the other side of the illusion. If we go into games calmly understanding that we're cheering for a bad hockey team, we won't be writhing in pain every time Bergeron's on the ice or Latendresse lets his check slip by him for a shot on Price. We will understand these things tend to happen with a team like ours.
It could be more fun that way, if you think about it. If we know and believe that the Habs are actually no better than any other team in the league, we can enjoy the wins they do get more than we have been doing. We've been taking wins against the Isles and leafs for granted...even complaining when the Habs have to get it done in OT...because we've been under the illusion that our team should be doing better than those lowly others. Accepting the Habs suckiness will allow us to value every point and appreciate every win much more fully.
During the games themselves, we can be happier when they do something right, like praising your two-year-old when he manages to get his poop in the toilet, rather than simply near it. We shouldn't expect the Habs to do things well. That way, when they do, we can be proud of them instead of looking for more. With this new perspective, we can marvel at how bad Bergeron can actually be, and even laugh at the comedy that is this team's defensive play in its own zone. We're missing a funny show here, while we're expecting the players to be better than they are. If we're not expecting a win every night, the losses don't hurt as much and the wins, when they do come, are sweeter. Such is life when rooting for an underdog team.
And make no mistake, this team is an underdog. Looking around the East, we see teams that have tanked and become contenders, like Pittsburgh and Washington. We see teams that have drafted very well, like Philly, New Jersey, Buffalo and Boston. Then there are the teams that are beginning to emerge from the basement on the backs of their young talent, like the Islanders and Atlanta. The Habs have done none of those things. They haven't ever been bad enough to land the Crosbys and Ovechkins of the world. Their first-round drafting has turned up the likes of Kostitsyn and Chipchura instead of Parise, Richards, Vanek or Carter. And their young talent is mostly of the solid, third-line variety rather than of the budding-star type, with all due respect to the exception, Tomas Plekanec. The talent and heart Gainey has managed to buy is great, but it fills only a handful of spots on a team that has an equal number of holes unconvincingly filled by underachieving players at the moment. So, while most teams have problems, the Habs have more problems than the others, at least for now.
I know some people will go nuts at this Margaritaville approach to the Habs, because we're supposed to expect more. We're the fans of the most successful team in hockey history and we're supposed to be mad when we don't get a winner. Well, you know what? We haven't been cheering for a winning team in sixteen years and being mad all the time can burn you out. It can make you into the type of fan who expects crazy things of a bunch of nice, hardworking guys and makes you boo developing kids because they're not superstars already. Being mad also makes you forget to enjoy the good moments, few though they may be. Sure, it sucks to lose, but it's fun to watch Gionta and Cammalleri and Plekanec do their thing. Being mad takes the pleasure out of that.
So, I'm going to flip the illusion and stop expecting something that isn't there. Maybe things will get better, but I'm not going to expect that either. I just know that if I get down and bitter about every loss, it's going to be a very, very long and joyless season. I'm going to look for the good stuff and understand that my team, the team I've loved for more than twenty-five years, just isn't very good. The beauty of this approach is if the team ever does get better, it'll be a fun ride to root for a surging underdog. It's all just a matter of perspective.
Entitled Much?
At the same time this woman was finding her breathing difficult and thinking she might have caught the virus, the Calgary Flames were lining up with their families to get immunized for the disease. A bunch of young, healthy, presumably non-asthmatic athletes got priority vaccinations in Alberta because...well...because they're hockey players.
Is it just me, or is there a problem with that picture? I've heard the excuses today about how the province of Alberta's health officials thought there wouldn't be a vaccine shortage. And how the Flames players feel they did nothing wrong because they were told the vaccine was available to them and they just showed up for their shots as advised. That's all true, of course. And, although we can criticize the provincial government for exceedingly shortsighted planning in this situation, the players are right. They just showed up when they were told.
What bothers me about this is that none of the Flames officials or players ever thought to question the idea that they should be going to the front of the line for the vaccinations. When they got their shots last Friday, the news was already full of stories about priority groups, possible vaccine shortages and queue-jumping in other provinces. When the Flames got treated, the province was about to announce restrictions on immunization in Alberta because lineups were more than eight hours long and the national vaccine supply was about to drop. I find it hard to believe that nobody either with the team or the provincial government thought to say, "Hey, maybe a team of healthy hockey players and their families shouldn't be moved to the front of the line here."
But, moved to the front of the line they were. While thousands of Albertans, including people with small children, pregnant women and asthmatics, were lining up in the cold for hours at a time to get their shots, the Flames, their wives and kids and presumably anyone else in their households, were ushered into a private clinic to have their needles with a minimum of disruption to their busy schedules. Even if they didn't think to question their right to the shot at this time at all, perhaps someone with the Flames should have asked why hockey players didn't have to wait in line like everybody else.
There's something seriously wrong with our perception of celebrity if guys who chase a piece of vulcanized rubber around an ice rink are accorded that kind of status. Sure, we like to watch them play hockey. But what makes them better than a librarian or a city worker or a mom with little kids? Nothing, except our own adulation and the sense of entitlement it bestows on them. I have no problem with blowing a Saturday night watching these guys do their jobs. But that doesn't give them the right, in what, for some people is a life and death situation, to be accorded special treatment.
I don't know if any other NHL teams got special treatment for H1N1, or if was just the Flames. But I'll bet there are a couple of little boys here in this province who wish their mom might have been as lucky as that bunch of hockey players.
Thrashers vs. Habs - Down-Another-D Edition
-I counted three completely unprovoked and ill-timed falls to the ice by Carle. If blunting his skates was his rookie initiation, it's NOT funny!
-Gionta came to play tonight. Too bad he didn't bring half the rest of the team with him.
-Tonight's petition: Dear Mr.Gainey, we, the undersigned would very much appreciate it if you could bring back our best player next year. And no, I do NOT mean Marc-Andre Bergeron.
-I have a feeling if we're icing the same defence on Thursday, the Bruins' scoring issues will be at an end.
-Well, for all the complaining I've heard about the Habs only winning in OT, I would have been really happy to see OT tonight. This game was painful.
-Did they win a faceoff tonight?
-The conclusion we must reach, yet again, is this is not a very good hockey team. I hope it will improve, but when you're getting owned by Atlanta, I don't hold out great hope for games against the Caps, Flyers, Devils, Bruins, Sharks, Wings, Pens...well, it could be a really long season.
Notes on the second:
-Habs remind me of a dog that's fallen out of a boat: swimming in circles, trying to keep its head above water until it slowly tires. The Markov-led defence was the boat.
-Nice laser by Gionta. I was thinking we might have to soon send his picture to the milk-carton people.
-This game is hurting me. My jaw is sore from clenching my teeth every time the third line or Bergeron is on the ice.
-I wonder why Pacioretty keeps passing to the linesman? Maybe he's colour blind. Seriously.
-I have a hard time believing Latendresse and Lapierre would be getting the icetime they do if they were born in Belarus. Kostitsyn might be doing jack, but it's better than doing dick. I think.
-Have I mentioned I hate Bergeron? Really, really hate him. He's as good an NHL defenceman as Laraque is a runway model.
-Price is doing the best he can at keeping order when his defence leaves the room.
-Speaking of which, if a dramatic comedy is a dramedy, what's a tragic comedy? Oh, right. The Habs current D.
-Cammalleri is the best sniper this team has had in recent memory. Whatever else happens, nobody can fault Gainey for bringing him in. I just wonder how long it'll take for him to realize he's gonna have a lot of hard nights in Montreal?
Notes on the first:
-I like that Mara greets the flag-bearer kids. That's nice.
-Price looked a little sheepish about accepting the Molson Cup. With Cammalleri and Plekanec looking on, I don't blame him.
-Spacek reminds me of the reply my colleague gives when asked how he is: "Not bad, for an aging fat man."
-Looks like Price is going for the points this year, with the stretch passes. Nice to see he's not treating the puck like a vial of ebola these days.
-The RDS "ay yi yi" thing is going to drive me to mute yet another Habs broadcast. Holy crap, that's annoying.
-Pavelec is damn good. Mostly damn.
-I don't know why the weirdest goals seem to go in on Price. Maybe it has to do with the Habs' D looking like the puck might explode on contact in their own end.
-No excuses on the last one, though. Twelve seconds to go? Not only does this team not have killer instinct, it also seems to lack survival instinct.
-I can see the bright point tonight being that at least I have Peverley in my pool.
